Arashi's place

Printers!

2012-01-05T15:43:00.001-09:00

I, for the last week, have been shopping for printers. This has proven to be the single most tiring and exasperating experience that I have had the great displeasure of experiencing in the last few weeks. I have read boxes, reviews, online descriptions, attempted to make sense of the confusing printer lingo, and wondered what cable is included in the box with the printer.

This "little" project was spurred on by the marvelous realization that for every ink cartridge that was bought for my current printer, a new printer could have been purchased. Now my ink cartridges are low and my current printer is dying slowly but surely, piece by piece (the printer head has decided to act flakey and that my paper could be enhanced by printing several sections of them in grey instead of black). The time to begin the grueling process of researching and deciding which piece of printing mayhem is best has beset me like a bloated elephant falling from an airplane on an unsuspecting Volkswagen.

This process would be simpler if I didn't have such demanding requirements for my printer. I will now summarize my findings in an imagined conversation between me and a snouty sails clerk, though I never had the distinct pleasure of talking to another human being while going through the special hell that is buying a printer.
Me: I would like the printer to print on paper, not leaded glass, animal skin, or french bread, just normal paper. Further, I would like it to be able to scan and copy things. Simply really, these of course are the easiest features to come by in a printer. (Now comes the tricky bit) I would like it to plug into my computer.
Imaginary salesclerk: Oh my god, no, this can't be, printers must never plug into a computer with these options, that is simply not done.
Me: So, what do they plug into then if not the computer?
Imaginary salesclerk: Well they all have to plug into the wall still (non electric printers have yet to be made) and some can plug into ethernet cables, but, for the most part, they are all now wireless.
Me: So how do I print things from my computer?
Imaginary salesclerk: Well, your printer can pair through bluetooth, but you have to send files and that can take a long time sometimes, others you can email the file to the printer, and some just work on wifi. Me: Oh, but I don't have wifi.
Imaginary salesclerk: You don't have wifi, you don't have wifi?
Me: Ssshhh, keep your voice down will ya, I don't want anybody to know.
Imaginary salesclerk: Then how do you use your computer?
Me: Ever heard of Ethernet?
Imaginary salesclerk: No, really? You have a laptop and you use an ethernet cable?
Me: Yeah, what of it?
Imaginary salesclerk: How archaic.

After now being insulted by an imaginary salesclerk and ever manufacturer of printer sold in big box and office stores I came to the realization that I'm still living in the stone age. So to get a printer that has a USB cable I evidently have to have a fax machine thrown into the mix. But there are still two more features I would like, god help me, I'm so demanding. Now these two are completely superfluous, but if I find a printer that has all of these, I'll buy it even if I have to mortgage my mother: a screen, doesn't have to be touch just something that tells me the progress the printer is making, and a USB port on the front so I can print from a thumb drive or scan to a thumb drive. Did you feel that, the world just came to an end. To get all of these features can, and often does, cost upwards of $150!

I found one printer that has everything I want: I'm not sure of the USB cable status, the website description say it has a cable but for all I know that cable might be for our next assent up Everest.

Life has this tendency to make itself excruciatingly difficult and little things like printers are the mountains that later become mole hills while you are being run over by a bus. It is hard not to complain about these trivial things, but seriously all I want is a printer. I'm not asking for world peace, lower oil prices, a reasonable Republican presidential candidate, just a printer-scanner-copier combo thingy at a reasonable price that has a USB cable thing. Is that unreasonable? Of course it is, I'm asking for the moon. I'm going to go take a long bath with several rubber ducks and not come out until every one is connected to each other via Facebook and wifi. Oh yeah, and Happy New Year.

Some collected wisdom.

2011-11-30T01:17:00.001-09:00

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. ~Shunryu Suzuki

The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble. ~Henry Miller

There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse! As I have often found in travelling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one's position, and be bruised in a new place. ~Washington Irving

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations. ~Faith Baldwin

You can avoid having ulcers by adapting to the situation: If you fall in the mud puddle, check your pockets for fish. ~Author Unknown

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. ~George Carlin

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. ~Lynn Hall

Those who expect moments of change to be comfortable and free of conflict have not learned their history. ~Joan Wallach Scott

Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. ~Pauline R. Kezer

If you would attain to what you are not yet, you must always be displeased by what you are. For where you are pleased with yourself there you have remained. Keep adding, keep walking, keep advancing. ~Saint Augustine

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. ~Harrison Ford

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey

If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. ~Author Unknown

A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn. ~Author Unknown

Turn your wounds into wisdom. ~Oprah Winfrey

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. ~Walt Disney

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. ~Barbara Bloom (Dunno if it’s true but it’s a great sentiment)

I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ~Agatha Christie

I believe there are more urgent and honorable occupations than the incomparable waste of time we call suffering. ~Colette

Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. ~African Proverb

There is no education like adversity. ~Disraeli

Adversity introduces a man to himself. ~Author Unknown

Life didn't promise to be wonderful. ~Teddy Pendergrass

Adversity is the first path to truth. ~Lord Byron

The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. ~Virginia Woolf, A Room of One's Own, 1929

To have become a deeper man is the privilege of those who have suffered. ~Oscar Wilde

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us. ~Voltaire

Shit happens, deal with it. Life never promised to be easy, expecting it to be easy is wrong. ~ Me

Life never throws us the easy balls: it’s always bottom of the ninth and you have one more strike and the pitcher just threw a fast curve ball. In the end all you can do is swing and hope and pray for the best. ~ Me again

Life expects us to make a tie breaking field goal from the 50 yard line, last few seconds of the second quarter, at the Super Bowl. ~ Me yet again

Yes I like sports analogies.

Questions With Indecipherable Answers

2011-11-26T00:34:00.001-09:00

So this is another story that I wrote fairly recently. It is too long to submit to the undergraduate creative arts journal that I'm working with so I figured I'd post it here on my blog. Without further ado here is the story.

Questions With Indecipherable Answers

Sometimes questions are more important than answers.

- Nancy Willard

The Dilemma

Thom Examined his naked body in the full length mirror. He saw the muscle he had worked so hard for, the well groomed body hair, everything a prostitute needed, he thought. He didn’t see the confident-sexy twenty-seven year old that everyone else saw. He saw a fake, a fraud, a user with thick brown hair, pale green eyes, a strong jaw line, slightly pouty lips, and what his mother described as a good nose. There was no other descriptor for his nose he thought. Straight wouldn’t work because there was a small lump right at the bridge from where it broke when he fell out of a tree at sixteen. Fell may not bee the right word, since it was more of a prod from his mother’s broom handle. She had caught him making out with the neighbor’s nephew, who was visiting from California. He remembered it like it just happened. Chad was his first crush, his first kiss, if his parents hadn’t come home so early one night, Chad would have been Thom’s first everything. “Probably better that he wasn’t, then Mark and I wouldn’t have had something as special,” he reasoned. Mark had started as just a college roommate, but had developed into something more after a late night study session. Thom grinned when remembering his past romances, but he stopped grinning when he began to notice how long the list had gotten in comparison to his young age. Poor Ethan was getting well used goods, Thom thought.

Ethan was an executive in his early thirties who had helped found a very successful software development firm. He and Thom met through their mutual friend Muriel. “If only Muriel hadn’t introduced me to him, I wouldn’t be having this crisis. “She knew I would only be interested in him because he had money. “Of course she did, that’s why she set us up, he was rich enough and desperate enough to love me.” Thom mused solemnly. He looked away from his reflection and stared at the table next to the mirror and saw Ethan’s rosary. “My sins are many and grave,” he thought as he stared at the beads shining in the mid morning sunlight. Seduction, greed, flattery, lust, hypocrisy, vanity, pride, were just a few that came to mind. “I’m doomed for hell,” Thom thought. He sighed heavily and looked at his bare feet. Shifting his eyes from his feet back to the mirror in front of him, he shoved his hair out of his face and stared deeply into his pale green eyes. Was there anything there, a soul, anything at all. He saw nothing, just shining pools of pale green now slightly red from recently shed tears. He couldn’t look at himself any longer, his reflection made his stomach turn. He turned away from the mirror and stared at the painting that hung above the bed. It was a simple landscape done in a very stylistic manner, with thin trees with big shaggy tops bending in the wind towards a woman with long flowing red hair, wearing a white dress. She stood facing into the wind staring across the painting at a man in a black coat with a long yellow scarf around his neck. The man stood with his back to the wind and looked at the ground in front of him. Thom concentrated on the painting for a minute, then looked at the end of the bed where he had laid the clothes he was going to wear. He picked up the pair of black low rise briefs and put them on. Thom stared at the designer jeans that he never even thought twice about wearing before then. He sighed grabbed them and walked back to his walk in closet. He flipped on the light and stared at all of his clothes, grabbed a hanger and hung the designer jeans back up grabbing a pair of old Levis instead. Walking back into the bedroom, Thom heard his cell phone ring, it was Ethan. He held his breath and his heart raced, he couldn’t tell if it was excitement or guilt. He picked up his cell and stared at the Picture of Ethan and him that they took on their last trip to Hawaii. Thom breathed deeply and answered Ethan’s call, “Hi honey!”

“Hi ya, how are you feeling?” Ethan asked.

“I’m okay, how are you?” Thom replied.

“Doin okay, I’d feel a hell of a lot better if you’d have lunch with me.”

Thom paused, he couldn’t think of an excuse to get out of it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Ethan, it was just he didn’t want to have to face him right then.

“Where do you want to meet?” Thom asked with a slight mumble, running his toes through the thick pile of the shag rug the bed sat on.

“How about that new café that opened up on tenth, dammit what was it called, the blue clover, no, the orange wheat, no that’s not it either, the purple rutabaga? I can’t remember, it had something to do with a color and a plant of some kind, you know which one I’m talking about right?” Ethan asked sounding rather confused.

“Yeah, I think I do,” Thom said with a slight giggle.

“Awesome, meet me there at 1:30, I have a meeting until 1 so it should be no problem, I gotta go, Chuck needs me.” Ethan stated

“See you at 1:30, I’ll text you the name of the cafe when I find it, okay?” Thom confirmed.

“Great, what would I do without you?” Ethan asked.

“You’d never remember the name of any restaurant you wanted to eat at.” Thom teased.

“True, sorry but I really gotta run, I love you,” Ethan said.

The words rang in his ear for what seemed like an eternity. His heart began to race again, was it guilt or excitement, he still couldn’t tell.

“I love you too.” Thom said quickly. The words almost seemed to stick in his throat. He stared at his phone for a minute after Ethan hung up. Continuing to get dressed, Thom contemplated about his relationship with Ethan. He thought back to his past relationships and how they had ended so abruptly when a richer man came along. Tears began to form in his eyes when he saw a picture of the two of them on Ethan’s sailboat. Ethan had told Thom that he had always wanted a sailboat of his own. Growing up in Nantucket everyone had boats and Ethan had spent much of his youth on his parents boat. He was a masterful sailor and Thom remembered how happy Ethan was when he was on the boat. He knew that if their relationship ended that sailing would be ruined for Ethan because of the happy times they spent together sailing. Tears of guilt and contrition rolled down Thom’s cheeks. He wanted to pray but he didn’t know what to say. His hands dropped to his sides and the picture fell to the floor with a loud clatter, breaking the glass in the frame. Thom squatted down and examined the damage and began crying harder. He quickly walked down the stairs into the living room, and without looking at anything, he walked straight to the front door of the town house and left in search of a Church.

The Possible Solution

Thom remembered that Ethan had mentioned that there was one on tenth avenue, which at least put him in walking distance of the restaurant. Since they lived only a couple of blocks from tenth avenue, he decided to walk and get some fresh air to clear his head. “It’s 11:30, so I have two hours to sort things out, find a church and that stupid colored vegetable restaurant.” Thom planned. “That doesn’t give me much time to get myself sorted does it?” He thought. He was approaching tenth avenue. He rounded to corner and began to walk up the street. Thom had walked passed two shops and found the restaurant, the Red Bamboo. “How freakin hard is that to remember, the Red Bamboo? “It even serves Asian food, god, some times I swear I don’t know what he uses his head for.” he fumed silently. “One destination found, one to go.” Thom walked up the street in search of the church. He found The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow about a block away from the restaurant. “Gee Catholics are cheerful.” Thom thought as he read the name. “Maybe there is another one less depressing around here?” Thom pondered. He turned around and walked into the book store that was behind him. He approached the girl behind the counter. She had brown hair that was cut short and stood up in all directions. She wore a green and black horizontal stripped tee shirt, a yellow jersey vest, a tan pleated skirt, black combat boots and large silver earrings in the shape of fish. Thom approached the counter and saw that her name tag said Nestlee.

“Can I help you find something?” Nestlee asked courteously.

“Maybe, do you know if that catholic church is the only church on this street?” Thom asked pointing at the large gray stone church across the road.

“There is a Christian science reading room a couple of blocks down, but other than that, Our Lady of Sorrows is it.” Nestlee stated. “Anything else?”

“Uh no, that’s it thank you, um, Nestlee.” Thom said trying to sound as serious as he could as he walked towards the door.

“Okay then, hope you find what you need, and yes I’m named after the drink mix.” Nestlee stated cheerfully. Thom stopped for a minute and looked at her dumbfounded that she would make such a statement.

“Um, thanks.” Thom said as he left the book store perplexed.

Thom walked across the street towards Our Lady of Sorrow. As he approached the church, he began to get more nervous. He grew up Protestant on Christmas and Easter and disinterested the rest of the year, and was more than willing to except that was how things were done. However, now he was wishing he had made some attempt to be part of a church at some point. “This whole business would be a lot easier if I already had a church and knew the people there.” Thom thought. He walked into the sanctuary. It was nothing like he expected. No choirs, no squeaky organ grinding out spooky sounding hymns, no herds of nuns walking around singing about Maria and her problems, nothing: candles, crucifixes, stained glass, pews, chandeliers they were all there, but none of the other things he imagined would be in a Catholic church. He came back to reality remembering his purpose for being in the church.

“Now if I were a confession box or, whatever, where would I be?” Thom thought to himself as he scanned the sanctuary. His eyes were drawn towards a line of about 20 people. Thom glanced at his cell phone it was after 12, he had an hour and half before he had to meet Ethan, plus he had to text the name of the place to Ethan, and probably get a table, so make that an hour tops. There was no way he was going to get into that confession box before he had to meet Ethan. He sighed audibly and turned to walk back out of the Church.

“What is the matter my child?” a caring-delicate female voice asked.

Thom turned toward the voice and saw a full fledged, Sound of Music nun standing there. “Please let her name be Maria.” he thought. “I wanted to go to the confession box thing.”

“You wanted to confess, and it is called a confessional.” The nun corrected gently.

“Uh, yeah, confess in the confessional, but the line is too long, not that it’s not worth waiting to confess or anything like that, it’s just I have to meet someone in about an hour and a half so I really don’t have the time to wait.”

The nun remained rather expressionless “I guess I didn’t really want to confess, I wanted advice and I don’t know why I thought to come here, I’m not even Catholic.” Thom admitted.

“Well, since you’re not a Catholic the confessional might not be best for you, but maybe I can help.” The nun said softly.

“I guess so, but I really only have an hour.” Thom cautioned.

“I’ll try to make it quick if you will.” The nun joked.

“Okay, I’ll do my best.” Thom promised.

“Let’s go to the garden, it is quieter and more private there.” The nun said jovially.

The nun led him outside through a side door to a small walkway. The walkway led to the back of the church where a small courtyard stood surrounded by old shade trees and thick clusters of flowers and flowering bushes. In the center was a large fountain with water lilies thickly covering the surface of the water. Against the far wall stood a shrine to the virgin Mary. The nun led Thom to a bench in front of the shrine. They both sat down facing the fountain.

“Now my child, what seems to be troubling you?” asked the nun warmly.

“Um.....where to start.” Thom said with a sigh. “I’ve been dating this,” Thom paused wondering if he should admit he was dating a man. “I’ve been dating a.......man for almost a year now.” Thom checked to see the nun’s reaction before continuing. She remained unfazed. Thom continued, “We were introduced through a mutual friend at a singles mixer, which she throws quite frequently. “She introduced us for a couple of reasons. I know what the reasons are, and I’m not sure my boyfriend knows why she paired us up.”Thom admitted solemnly.

“What were the reasons she paired you two?” the nun inquired.

“Well,” thom said with a sigh, “one we were both single, obviously, two, he is rich and I was flat broke and looking for a rich man to take care of me, and there he was vulnerable from a recent brake up.” Thom admitted feeling guilt-ridden.

The nun sat silently thinking about Thom’s situation.

“Muriel is the friend that set us up. “She said that he was ready for the picking. “He is an executive at a software development firm that just keeps on growing and making money. “So Muriel and I agreed that he was the perfect candidate to fix my monetary situation.” Thom admitted ashamedly.

“But now you are feeling guilty for using, what did you say your boyfriend’s name was?”

“I didn’t, his name is Ethan.”

“So you’re feeling guilty for using Ethan for sex and money, correct?” the nun reasoned.

“Yeah, that’s most of it.” Thom agreed.

“What else is troubling you?” the nun asked.

“I don’t know if I love him, or his money, or just the situation that he and his money provide. “I hate myself for using him. “He deserves better than me. “Someone who hasn’t had, let’s say such a prolific sexual past.” Thom stated.

“I see, so not only are you feeling guilty about the fact that you have been using Ethan and his money, you are also feeling guilt about how many partners you have had before him.” The nun asserted.

Thom nodded in agreement.

“Well, I can see that you do love Ethan, and deep down you know that too,” the nun stated.

“What, wait how did you figure out that I love Ethan so quickly?” Thom interjected.

“Simple, if you didn’t love him you wouldn’t be feeling this much guilt and you wouldn’t be looking for answers, forgiveness, and to improve yourself to be more worthy to be with him,” the nun contended.

Thom thought about what the nun had said while watching a sparrow look for bugs in between the pavers in the courtyard. Tears began to well up in his eyes.

“Why do you think what you said means that I love him?” Thom asked, trying to choke back his tears.

“All relationships, and people in them, reflect our relationship with God or the relationship we should have. “Simply put we view our partner as someone we need to strive to be a better person for. “This is because we feel unworthy of their love because of our sins or just because they are too good for us,” the nun explained. “However, our partner sees us with our faults and short comings and loves us any way.”

Thom shook his head in disbelief at what the nun said.

“I see you don’t exactly agree with me, that’s okay, I have years of study to back me up. “Do you know the story of Saint Mary Magdalene?” the nun asked.

“No, no I don’t.” Thom said with embarrassment.

“That’s okay, Saint Mary Magdalene was healed of seven demons and became the apostle to the apostles. “She was one of four people who staid with Christ during his crucifixion, helped entomb him, and was the first to see him after his resurrection. “She like many of the apostles strove to improve herself so that she might have a better relationship with Christ. “Her seven demons are often interpreted as vices that she needed to overcome, and Christ showed her the way to overcome them. “In the time that she spent with Christ she became his closest companion. “Like Saint Mary Magdalen we need to conquer our vices to improve not only our relationships with Christ but also to improve our relationships with other people, do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Kinda.” Thom said sounding rather puzzled.

“Okay, we need to conquer our vices to become better people so that we can love others better. “However, those that love us, love us despite our vices.”

Thom finally began to understand, “I do love Ethan, but my vices are holding me back from loving him fully, is that what you are saying sister?”

“More or less,” the nun said with a grin.

“How should I start to get rid of my vices?”

“I think you had the right idea of confessing yours sins, but maybe you wanted to confess to the wrong person.”

“You mean I should tell Ethan everything, don’t you?’

“Yes, if he truly loves you, which I think he does, he will forgive you. “It may take some time to rebuild the trust that the two of you had.” The nun elaborated. “But, it will help you’re relationship together to grow in a better way. “You had better get going your hour is up.”

“Oh my god! I have to run. “Thank you sister, you’ve been a great help.” Thom said as he stood and began to cross the courtyard. He paused halfway across the courtyard, turned, and said, “Sister, I just realized I never got your name.”

“My name is Sister Bernadette.”

“Mine is Thom, thank you Sister Bernadette for all of your help.”

“Your welcome Thom, I hope everything works out for the best between you and Ethan.”

“I do too.” Thom declared.

“I’ll keep you both in my prayers.” Sister Bernadette added as Thom began to walk out of the courtyard.

“Thank you Sister,” Thom said over his shoulder as he walked up the little stone path that led out of the courtyard back to the street.

The Confession and the True Realization

Thom walked back to the Red Bamboo. He arrived in time to get a table in a private corner. He texted the name and address to Ethan and waited silently for Ethan’s arrival thinking about all that he and Sister Bernadette had discussed. How was Ethan going to take the news? Would Ethan hate him for lying and using him for so long? Thom knew that he would. But Ethan was so very different from Thom, things that would drive him crazy never seemed to bother Ethan. They were complementary opposites. Thom continued to think about what he was going to say while waiting for Ethan, his anxiety growing with every passing minute.

Fifteen minutes later, Ethan walked through the front doors. He spotted Thom and walked over to their table.

“Hello darling, sorry I’m late, have you been waiting long?” Ethan said apologetically while placing a kiss on Thom’s forehead.

“No, not very long.” Thom said with a slight quiver of nervousness in his voice.

“That’s good, how has your day been so far?” Ethan asked while picking up his menu.

“Huh, oh it’s been interesting.” Thom said absent mindedly.

“What happened to make it interesting?”

“It has just been a bit hectic, but probably not nearly as crazy as yours.”

“Today wasn’t actually that bad. “We got the deal to develop the server for a new online game and got a deal to help develop the entertainment suite for a major PC corp.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Ethan said with a smile and a gentle squeeze of Thom’s hand.

They examined their menus closely deciding what to order. Thom thought about all that he and Sister Bernadette discussed trying to decide if he should tell everything to Ethan at the restaurant or wait until they returned home. He decided to wait because if there was any emotional outburst it would be better to have them in the privacy of their own home. Just as Thom decided this, a perky red headed waitress walked up to their table.

“Hi, my name is Renata, I’ll be your server today, what can I get for you?”

“I’ll have the vegetarian lunch special.”

“Okay and for you sir?” Renata asked Thom.

“I’ll have the same, and can I have a mineral water.”

“Sure thing, it should be only a few minutes until your food is ready and I’ll be right back with your mineral water.” Renata said taking the menus and bobbing her way back to the order window, her pony tail swinging as she walked. Thom and Ethan continued to make small talk over lunch with occasional awkward silences.

After they finished lunch, Ethan paid and they walked to the curb holding hands.

“So what do you want to do today?” Ethan asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, we have the rest of the day to spend together, so you had better think of something.” Ethan said jokingly.

“Don’t you have to go back to the office?”

“Nope, I’ve got the rest of the day to spend with you.”

“Oh, that’s great.” Thom said with a cautious tone.

“Thom, is something bothering you?”

Thom remained silent for a few minutes thinking. Yes, there was something bothering him but he didn’t know how to say it. And if he said it how would Ethan react

“Ethan.”

“Yeah Thom.” Ethan said while placing a soft kiss on Thom’s forehead.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Ethan said happily, turning to face Thom, “what do you need to tell me?”

“Uhhhh, it’s uhhh, it’s really important, and it’s not, uhhh, easy for me to say.” Thom stuttered looking at his feet.

“Thom, if it’s so hard to say you don’t have to tell me.” Ethan said gently lifting Thom’s head with his index finger.

“No, I really need to tell you this, just not here.” Thom said turning away from Ethan.

“Okay, would you be at ease at home?” Ethan said comfortingly with a look of confusion.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Ethan hailed a cab. Once they had finally gotten a cab it was a short, silent trip back to their town house.

Upon arriving in their town house, Ethan went over to the phone and checked the answering machine for messages.

“If we’re going to carry cell phones all the time maybe we should just get rid of the landline, what do you think?” Ethan asked.

“Huh, yeah sure, whatever you say.” Thom replied absently.

Random messages from Ethan’s office, telemarketers, and politicians seeking election and or reelection, hung in the air filling the awkward silence as Thom crossed the room to stare at a bookcase.

“Are you going to tell me what’s on your mind or am I going to have to guess?”

Thom took a deep breath and said, “Ethan, do you remember how we got together?”

“Yeah, Muriel set us up.” Ethan said crossing the room to sit on the back of a white leather sofa in front of Thom, taking his hands into his.

“Right, did Muriel tell you anything about my past?”

“She told me that you grew up poor and that you went to school to study journalism and that was about it.”

“So she didn’t tell you anything about my past relationships?”

“Nope not a thing, not that she really needed to: I don’t care about what happened before me. “It’s in the past, just as long as I’m your present and future I’m fine.” Ethan said while pulling Thom into a tight embrace.

“But I do.” Thom said pushing away. He turned and walked towards a window at the front of the house looking out over their small front yard, crossed his arms across his chest and took another deep breath.

Ethan crossed the living room towards him and encircled Thom with his large muscular arms and kissed the side of his neck. Thom shrugged him off and walked towards the kitchen.

“Thom what is going on, you’re never this unaffectionate, tell me what is going on?” Ethan pleaded.

“All of my exes are very rich and much older than me.” Thom blurted out.

“So?”

“So, I dated them only for their money.” Thom said turning to face Ethan.

“And, what does that have to do with me? “If you’re just telling me this because you feel guilty you don’t have to, I don’t care who you’ve dated or why you dated them.” Ethan explained.

“Why don’t you care?” Thom shouted, tears beginning to fill his eyes.

“I told you that already, it’s past, it doesn’t matter. “Plus if I did then you would have to care about my exes.”

“I don’t think you understand, my exes are all really rich.”

“Yeah and I dated a guy who thought he was a necromancer and kept trying to revive my dead dog.”

“That isn’t true, you’re just saying that to change the subject.”

“It’s the truth, scouts honor.”

“Anyway, you don’t quite get it, I didn’t really date them, I was more of a, uhhh, what’s a good way of putting it?”

“A toy boy?”

“Exactly, I was a toy boy.”

“I don’t care.”

“That doesn’t bother you?”

“Nope.”

“What if I told you that the main reason I started dating you was because of your money?”

“What else is new.”

“You’re not bothered by that?”

“Nope.”

“Why aren’t you?”

Ethan crossed the room to Thom and gripped him softly by the shoulders.

“Because, when you have as much money as I do, you kinda get used to it. “Plus, I know you aren’t with me because of my money.”

“How do you know that?”

“You didn’t start dating me because of my money, it was a major perk but I saw how you looked at me, before Muriel introduced us and told you I had money.”

“Uh huh, and how exactly did I look at you?”

“Like you wanted to have sex with me right there in the middle of everybody.” Ethan said with a wink.

“Ethan stop teasing me and listen.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sure that I’m with you because I love you or I love your money.”

Ethan’s face changed from a slight grin to a solemn frown. His hands dropped from Thom’s shoulders. He turned and walked across the room towards the large fireplace at the opposite end of the room, placing his hands against the mantle leaning his head down between his arms, resting his chin on his chest and his forehead on the mantle.

“Ethan, I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. “I guess I was just thinking about myself and my comfort.”

“I don’t care.” Ethan proclaimed.

“What?”

Ethan turned and rushed across the room to Thom and pulled him into a tight embrace, tears streaming down his face.

“I don’t care if you love my money and not me. “I can love enough for the both of us.”

“Ethan, no, no.” Thom said pushing away. “It isn’t fair to you.”

“It isn’t fair to me for you to leave me alone.” Ethan exclaimed tears running down his face.

“I love you goddamn it, and I’m never letting you go. “You don’t stop loving someone because something isn’t exactly perfect.”

Seeing Ethan like this was killing Thom. He hated to see Ethan so upset. He just wanted to be totally honest and give their relationship a fighting chance, yet it seemed like it was going to end, forever.

“Thom answer me!” Ethan shouted through his tears.

“What?”

“If I lost all of my money tomorrow, would you stay with me?”

Thom thought for a moment and finally realized something: he loved Ethan more than being rich and comfortable.

Thom nodded his head and said, “Yes.”

Ethan pulled him in tight and held him and began to sob heavily. Thom finally knew that this was where he was supposed to be and that his one true love was holding him. He wanted to stay with Ethan forever. With or without his money, Thom didn’t care. As long as Ethan was there he would be happy. Thom also began to cry and wrapped his arms around Ethan.

“I’m sorry Ethan, I never should have told you any of this.”

Ethan sniffled, “You got your questions answered didn’t you?”

“Yeah I did.”

“Then it’s okay, all is well that ends well, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Thom said solemnly.

Madonna

2011-10-28T11:41:00.003-08:00

Why is Madonna one of, if not the greatest pop star that ever lived? Is it the gap in her teeth, her devil may care attitude toward critics, her relentless dedication to pop music, her shock value, her dance routines, or is it simply a combination of all of these things and then some? Pretty much. Madonna has been making hit records since the early 80s and has been an icon longer than I've been alive. And there is good reason for this: she is amazing! Yes, I'm a big fan. Yes, I own several of her albums: 11 to be exact (1 concert, the 3 greatest hits compilations, 6 studio, and 1 sound track). And there are still some that I need to get.

Madonna.com lists her albums by type and the number is, a staggering, 25 albums (this includes compilations, soundtracks and remix albums) They exclude the concert recording of The Confessions Tour under the live albums but it was bundled with a concert video so it's understandable. Her site also list her singles: 69 of them. According to her wikipedia page she has 75 singles considering the fact that her website left off any singles from Hard Candy, I'm likely to believe that number to be slightly closer to the actual number of singles she has released. Again according to her wikipedia page, Hard Candy was her 37th Billboard Hot 100 top ten hit. She has had 11 number one singles on the main chart and 39 number one dance over the span of 26 years. In comparison Cher has made 25 albums, 76 singles (in a 46 year span), and only 4 number one singles, 1 number one dance single, and 9 number one club singles. Lady GaGa has had 16 singles I can not find officially how many have been number one hits (pretty much all of them). She has done three albums in my opinion (fame monster is a separate album form the fame). Britney Spears has released 7 studio albums, 4 compilations, and 37 singles. According to her Wikipedia discography only 4 of them made number one status, I know that a lot more of her singles made number one slots just no official data. Christina Aguilera has released 6 studio albums, 1 compilation, 30 singles, and 4 of those singles hit number one. P!nk has released 5 studio albums, 1 live, 2 compilations, and had 26 singles, which 3 hit number one. Kylie Minogue has made 11 studio albums, 4 live, and 9 compilation albums and 51 singles. Only 4 of her singles have been charted in the US and all 4 hit number one on the US dance chart. Now all of the chart information and number of albums is from Wikipedia so if you know better or have better sources please step up with them.

With all of the album nonsense out of the way it becomes clear that Madonna has made more than all of the rest excluding Cher but she has been recording longer. Furthermore, more of Madonna's singles have hit number one on the main stream as well as the dance charts. Now besides her prowess at making albums and topping charts. There remains the issue of who has sold more. According to the Guinness Book of World Records she has sold 275 million albums making her the hands down winner.

Now beyond record sales and hits remains the actual talent portion. She definitely has a certain amount of talent:

And finally the video that endeared Madge to me even more, even though I love hydrangeas:

Basically love her or hate her she is the greatest female, hell, greatest pop star that has ever been. Lady GaGa is the only one of the new batch of pop stars, aka anybody post 1997, that can rival Madonna for her star power. Then again Madonna is slowly starting to slip further and further from the center of focus in today's ever increasing world of pop music. Hopefully her new album due out next year will push her back into Public focus.

Now bear with me for a few minutes longer. I love all of the pop stars mentioned in this post. I have neglected to mention a few like Katy Perry, Beyonce, Rihanna etc. mostly because we know that they have serious star power. Katy Perry and Rihanna are great talents but they don't really posses the type of star power that is needed to rival Madonna and they have yet to become legends so they must wait until they develop further or have a bigger catalog. Beyonce is slipping, her star power is fading fast. Her last few albums have be rather lack luster to say the least and besides she is technically a R&B Singer not a pop star so there.

Yes, Britney has fallen from pop grace but Femme Fatale is a very strong pop album and as long as she stays on top of the trends she may actually be able to take on GaGa in the near future in stead of appearing on a Rihanna track as a guest vocalist for a remix.

Christina still has it her voice is still stellar and her songs are uber crap. I mean they make britney songs sound good some times and that is saying something. However, the songs that Sia wrote for Christina on Bionic are stellar.

P!nk, yeah she is still freaking awesome, and she could get to where Madonna is but I think she is more likely to quit and form a punk band before she could.

Kylie is, well, not international enough to really do any major sales outside of Europe, Australia, and New Zealand. She every few years has an album that does well here in the US and occasionally in Asia but after that it's years again until she has any success. Fever was the last album she had that really did anything in the US before the release of Aphrodite and Fever was released in 2002.

GaGa is by and far more likely to beat Madonna at her own game than any of the other girls, mostly because she is a 21st (maybe 23rd) century Madonna on steroids. She has give up even pretending anymore and keeps making allusions to Madonna.

So yeah this pretty much details why Madonna is so freaking awesome and so on and so forth.

102 Songs

2011-10-25T19:52:00.002-08:00

That is correct there are currently 102 songs on my "fav songs" playlist. Even with a busy college schedule one must take time to listen to music. These songs are a mixture of current favorites and constant favorites. And no I did not type this list. Hopefully most of these people you know if not enjoy getting to listen to some new music even if it's old. ; )

What a Feeling (Radio Edit) [feat. Kelly Rowland]: Alex Gaudino
Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy: The Andrews Sisters
In Love for a While (Radio Version): Anna Rossinelli
Little Bird: Annie Lennox
Walking On Broken Glass: Annie Lennox
No More "I Love You's": Annie Lennox
Shining Light: Annie Lennox
All the Same to Me: Anya Marina
Make My Body Rock: Ari Gold
Mr. Mistress: Ari Gold
Where the Music Takes You: Ari Gold
Don't Rain On My Parade: Barbra Streisand
Come Together: The Beatles
I Wrote the Book: Beth Ditto
Crystalline: Björk
Moon: Björk
Virus: Björk
Copy & Paste: BoA
Don't Know What to Say: BoA
I Wanna Go: Britney Spears
How I Roll: Britney Spears
Big Fat Bass (feat. will.i.am): Britney Spears
Up n' Down: Britney Spears
Fuck You: Cee Lo Green
I Want Your Sex: Chris Mann
It Gets Better : Chris Salvatore
Fighter: Christina Aguilera
Stronger than Ever: Christina Aguilera
Jar of Hearts: Christina Perri
You Make Me Feel...(Feat. Sabi): Cobra Starship
Gay Pirates: Cosmo Jarvis
Dreams: The Cranberries
Linger : The Cranberries
Crawling Back to You: Daughtry
Long Way: Daughtry
What Have We Become: Daughtry
On the Inside : Daughtry
Fit Right In: Deborah Harry
Roll To Me: Del Amitri
Personal Jesus: Depeche Mode
In the Dark: Dev
Let's Call the Whole Thing Off: Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
Changed The Way You Kiss Me (Mensah Remix): Example
Follow You Down: Gin Blossoms
River Deep, Mountain High (Glee Cast Version): Glee Cast
Baobei (Chinese Baby): Jason Chen MiniAchilles
Don't Wanna Go Home: Jason Derulo
Leave It All Behind: Jason Walker
Do It Like a Dude: Jessie J
Abracadabra: Jessie J
Who's Laughing Now: Jessie J
Who You Are: Jessie J
Just In Love: Joe Jonas
Too Little, Too Late: JoJo
Dancing Tonight: Kat DeLuna
Drop It Low: Kat Deluna
Caught In The Crowd: Kate Miller-Heidke
Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) [Explicit]: Katy Perry
Peacock [Explicit]: Katy Perry
There She Goes: The La's
Nothing Really Matters: Madonna
Sky Fits Heaven: Madonna
W T F: Matt Zarley
What The Hell: Michael Henry & Justin Robinett
Dancing Crazy: Miranda Cosgrove
Oui Mais... Non: Mylène Farmer
Lonely Lisa: Mylène Farmer
Don't Forget Me: Neko Case
You Get What You Give: New Radicals
Ocean : Nick Hagelin
People Go Wild: Nick Hagelin
Super Bass [Explicit]: Nicki Minaj
Don't Hold Your Breath: Nicole Scherzinger
Heartbreak Down: P!nk
Cooter!: Pandora Boxx
Who's My B**ch: Paradiso Girls
This City (feat. Lupe Fiasco): Patrick Stump
Love Etc.: Pet Shop Boys
Hush Hush; Hush Hush: The Pussycat Dolls
S&M: Rihanna
What's My Name?: Rihanna
We Found Love (feat. Calvin Harris): Rihanna
Moving On (Naked Version): Sarah Dawn Finer
Naturally: Selena Gomez & the Scene
Love You Like A Love Song: Selena Gomez & The Scene
All For You: Sister Hazel
Little Miss Can't Be Wrong: Spin Doctors
Not Gonna Get Us: t.A.T.u.
All The Things She Said: t.A.T.u.
How Soon Is Now?: t.A.T.u.
You Belong With Me: Taylor Swift
Mean: Taylor Swift
Where We Belong: Thriving Ivory
Great DJ: The Ting Tings
Shut Up and Let Me Go: The Ting Tings
Wordy Rappinghood (Evian Mix): Uffie
Love Reign O'er Me: The Who
With Love Baby: Witloof Bay
Heads Will Roll: Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Is It True? (Eurovision Iceland 2009 Orginal Remix): Yohanna
I Am the Best (내가 제일 잘 나가): 2NE1
What's Up: 4 Non Blondes

Why am I stressing?

2011-10-24T13:21:00.001-08:00

I'll tell you exactly why I am stressing, I have a seven page paper due on Wednesday, I have to read Hamlet before Thursday so I can write a response ion it before the class period, I have a a five page draft due on Thursday, and on top of that a whole bunch of other homework and now it is mid-semester room checks where they check for cleanliness and the state of the rooms. This means that the horribly filthy apartment I share with three other people is about to get inspected by our RA, I'm the only one that cleans and I haven't cleaned the apartment in a very long time. So everything is filthy the kitchen looks like a bomb exploded in it and now I have to worry about whether or not I can get it cleaned before the RA just drops by to inspect it and get my homework done on time. Yup I'm freaking out!

Random post about acne

2011-10-17T16:14:00.001-08:00

I'll confess that we all have bad skin days especially those of us that are just finally escaping the grasp of lord puberty. Ah, the days of waking up to find hair somewhere new and my voice a full octave lower are almost a distant memory. Evidently lord puberty's friend the earl of acne has planned on living the next few years on the face of many unwashed Americans though. I'm 21 and still have occasional break outs but far less frequently and not as bad as when I was in my teens because I switched to an organic soap, eat better, try and sleep more, bathe regularly, and in general my hormones have leveld out, well for the most part. As Xander Harris said in episode 14 of season 2 of Buffy: "I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex."Pretty much doesn't change for a long time.

Anyway back to zits. I understand most of us can't help them, they just happen. One day we are like, wow I have skin, and next day wow, I have zits. That would be when 16 year old girls beg their mothers to get them Proactive. I never used proactive, I used Dial bar soap. It did the trick for a long time but finally at around 18 my skin got behind just needing anti-bacterial soap. So I did the next logical thing of buying Oxy pads. If you don't know what these are, they are an acne treatment that comes on this little moist cotton like pads and are very inexpensive at Walmart and Fred Meyers (Kroger) and other places that sell skin treatments. The main active ingredient in Oxy pads is Salicylic acid (about .5% per pad). I used this one (which has 2% salicylic acid per pad) once and it really messed up my face because I have sensitive skin (don't we all) and always had light acne: something with this much salicylic acid really burned my skin. These products do work, for a while. How they work is quite simple: every time you use one it acts as a small chemical peel (same main ingredient, it is just a much smaller dose) and takes longer to see the affects. Now, they didn't get rid of my acne permanently but I a saw an almost immediate decrease in pimples and black heads. Long term results were that my face was always super shiny because the skin was being peeled off revealing newer, younger, fresher skin, and if I stopped treatment because it was drying out my skin (also contains trace amounts of benzoyl peroxide and some rubbing alcohol) leaving flaking and slight chemical burns, I would have another break out that was often worse than the original one I was treating. I ended up using it on the black heads on my nose and when I had a few zits pop up I would hit them with a pad and call it good. I eventually gave up using the pads all together and switched to using Dial on my face and an exfoliating shower scrub by Axe. Eventually I found that the dial soap was increasing my break outs because it was a communal bar of soap. So I was scrubbing my face with everyone else's hair and body oil. Duh, my skin was breaking out! I was putting more dirt on than I was taking off. Finally, about a year ago my sister gave me part of a bar of soap that she had bought from a seller on Etsy.com (click on the link to be taken to the soap). This is the seller's description of the product:

"This is a gentle and conditioning bar of soap made with skin-loving ingredients. Activated charcoal helps to unclog pores, remove impurities and excess oils, and detoxify the skin. Evening primrose oil is rich in vitamins and minerals, and works to repair damaged skin while softening and smoothing. Jojoba oil is a penetrating moisturizer that is similar to our skin’s own natural oils, and is rich in proteins and minerals. A combination of olive oil, grapeseed oil, and castor oil attracts moisture and nourishes the skin. Shea butter and cocoa butter work to soften, soothe, and improve skin flexibility. Coconut oil is easily absorbed by the skin, and creates an incredible lather, while palm kernel oil ensures a long-lasting bar of soap. This soap is scented with an herbaceous combination of eucalyptus and rosemary essential oils which also help to repair and renew the skin."

It really works. I have seen a decrease in acne and black heads. The pads made my pours larger to get the dirt oil and impurities out. My skin has been permanently damaged by using Oxy products. Luckily I used them infrequently enough that the damage is minor and it did not result in cystic acne: some companies and dermatologist, as well as skin obsessed older sisters claim that using products like Oxy frequently for extended periods of time can lead to cystic acne because the pours never close causing more junk to get caught in them. The best part of this soap is that it is all natural. All of the ingredients are used constantly in homeopathic acne treatments as well as morsturizers and other skin treatments to achieve "healthier and more youthful skin." It works marvels and can be used on more than just the face. My most troubled area forever was my back: I hate backne! You can't pop 'em so one day you move and they pop and ruin your favorite pale blue t-shirt. Since using this soap I only have occasional brake outs and that is usually when I go for an extended time without showering or I get very dirty. Also, using an organic shampoo and conditioner on my hair keeps my hair cleaner causing less dirt and oil from my hair to get on my skin. Another way to keep acne off your face is too keep your hair out of your face. Which means, either shorter hair or keeping your bangs out of your face. Good luck scene kids.

Men are very bad about taking care of their skin. Especially celebrity men. Y'all make ass loads of money and evidently don't know how to tell your personal assistant to buy a bottle of Clean and Clear or to call a dermatologist that does house calls. Admittedly most guys are like whatever it will go away on it's own. Evidently not. Acne is not just a teen thing, it often plagues people well into their 30s sometimes even their 40s or 50s. So it is something that has to be taken care and it is often as simple as changing your diet and washing your face every morning and night. I know that is so much work but it's your skin, your bodies largest organ, and it's with you for life so take care of it.

Stuff you can't make up.

2011-09-26T19:23:00.002-08:00

I'm in college and living in an apartment on campus. Two of my three roommates are international students so there are a lot of interesting conversations about English word and phrase usage. Last night, while cleaning up my room, I overheard a conversation between my two foreign roommates about the connotations of the words wish and hope:

Roommate 1: Wish is always negative and hope is always positive.

Roommate 2: Uh-huh

Me: giggle snort in disbelief.

Roommate 1: Like saying I wish I could do something means that you can't do it.

Me: ok, sounds reasonable and is a true usage.

Roommate 2: Ohhhh

Roommate 1: Yeah, and hope is always good. So saying you wish someone's child grows up without sickness is saying you want that kid to get sick. (Very much so paraphrased)

Me: Trying desperately not to laugh my ass off right about now.

Roommate 2: Uh-huh

Basically, I couldn't compose my self enough to contradict what he said and I had to hide in my room because I was laughing so hard. May I iterate for those of you who might now be rather fuzzy on the usage and cultural meaning of wish and hope that this above example and explanation are mostly false. Wish can have a negative connotation but is purely based on usage. For example, using the phrase "Yeah, I wish," or "You wish" are typically negative because of the sarcastic tone that often accompanies these phrases: just like "In your dreams"or "Not a chance" etcetera. In the case above, the use of wish in the instance of saying that one wishes good health for a child is, of course, only negative if accompanied by sarcastic body language or a sarcastic tone of voice. Most english words can be made negative in the same way. Just be careful out there and be sure to talk to native English speakers in the country you live in as well as people that speak your language and have spoken English and lived in an English speaking country for a long time: like at least 5 or 6 years.

Interesting New Talent

2011-09-08T00:48:00.001-08:00

Ok, I'll admit it, I like Country music. However, I am kinda picky about what Country music I listen to, and the selection process is pretty intense (I listen to a few samples on iTunes then decide if I like it or not). So, to my utter shock, I found a weirdly talented 17 year old on iTunes, and was like OMG, he is 17? If you haven't guessed already, I'm talking about Scotty McCreery. He evidently was a contestant on American Idol last year (didn't watch, didn't care) and he has released his first none American Idol single, The Trouble With Girls. Haven't listened to the song all the way through yet, but he could be singing the names of communicable diseases and I'd still be like, wow! He is 17 and has this perfect baritone voice that I've never heard out of someone so young before, which evidently if your voice is pitched in this range you can only be a country singer. Admittedly, singing Country anymore doesn't require an incredible amount of talent: you don't have to yodel, or have a huge range, or even be able to sing on key; these things do help, except maybe the yodeling. I mean, Reba McEntire, Martina McBride, Trisha Yearwood, and Leanne Rhimes can all belt out the high notes and have amazing vocal ranges, but most male Country singers don't have to sing more than a few chords half way decent. So, Scotty doesn't have much of a range; but, the range he has is pretty freaking amazing for someone his age. Now in 10 years, he'll be passé so we may not even need to worry about his staying power, but country fans tend to hold onto their fave singers long past their prime. I mean look at Willie Nelson, the man can't carry a tune without a bucket anymore, but people still pay to see him in concert and buy his albums (I'm not sure if he has released an album of new music in the last few years). Anyway, random ramblings aside, if you have found any part of country you like check out Scotty McCreery, he is a pretty cool singer, if crappy music: kinda synonymous with Country anymore. Scotty good luck in your future endeavors and do your best with what time you have in the spotlight.

First story I've finished

2011-07-02T16:56:00.003-08:00

This is the first story that I've finished and I'm rather happy with it. Only warning I'll give is that it contains some nudity, violence, and brief strong language.

Red Poppies

“Hey, wait, stop, you forgot something,” Chris yelled as he ran after the mysterious woman with red hair.

She was walking fast and was already a block ahead of him. He could see her black umbrella bobbing through the crowd as she walked. After chasing her for four and a half blocks. His wiry legs were aching from running in his suede oxfords. He decided that running in oxfords on wet sidewalks was something he would never do again. As he ran, the heavy rain soaked through his suit making his shirt cling to his thin chest.

The red headed woman turned a corner, Chris followed running as fast as he could through the crowd. His thick brown hair stuck to his brow and dripped rain down his face. His suit, thoroughly soaked , weighed heavily on his shoulders. He rarely wore suits, he only wore it today because he had an interview at the Morning Star. He knew that he would never make that interview if he continued chasing this woman. He began thinking that maybe he should just stop at the police station and drop the woman’s purse off. It looked expensive. The purse was real alligator, bright red, and was obviously designer: even fashion ignorant Chris could see that. He rounded the corner that the woman had turned and could see that she was only a few yards ahead.

“HEY LADY, WAIT,” he yelled.

She stopped and turned. Chris ran until he was about five feet from her and stopped. His mouth hung open in both exhaustion and awe. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, flawless pale skin, small nose, large green eyes, long-thick eyelashes coated with dark black mascara, a perfect rosebud mouth painted red, and the perfect Marilyn Monroe hour glass figure. She wore a tan trench coat, a floral scarf, and bright red patent leather pumps.

“Ummm, uhhh, you left this on the train ma’am,” Chris finally managed to stammer as he shoved the purse at the beautiful woman.

“Why thank you,” the woman said with a sophisticated southern accent.

Chris imagined her dressed as Scarlet O’Hara descending the stair case at Tara.

“I guess I owe you a reward for being such a gentleman, running five blocks and all just to return my purse,” she said with a seductive smile and a look of innocence that made Chris think things one shouldn’t think about complete strangers.

“It was nothing, really.” Chris said, blushing and thrusting his hands deep in his trouser pockets.

“Oh but you ran so far and your suit is wet and your shoes are ruined and I bet you had an important meeting to get to.” She said with a grin and a slight tone of condescending sarcasm that Chris missed.

“I didn’t have anywhere important to be.” Chris said as his blush deepened.

“Really, you are such a fine young gentleman.”

Chris blushed more, if that was even possible.

“At least come to my house and dry off.” She said seductively.

“Really?” He said as his voiced cracked.

He had graduated college a month ago but his voice still cracked every now and again. “Really, my house is just up ahead and it’s the least I can do for such a nice young man as yourself.” She said sweetly.

“Umm, ok, if you are sure it’s no trouble.” Chris said politely.

“Of course it’s no trouble, I just love to entertain,” She said.

“Would you mind holding the umbrella so we can both walk under it,” She asked coyly. Chris gulped like a cartoon character, “Sure.”

He grabbed the umbrella and held it over both their heads and walked on the outside as any gentleman would. She put the bag on her wrist and looped her arm through his. They walked for a few minutes in silence.

“Here’s where I live,” She announced.

They stood in front of a beautiful town house with a red door. They approached the door and she fished her keys out of her bag. With a graceful sweep of her hand she unlocked the door. She walked into the front hall.

“Come on in out of the rain,” she beckoned seductively.

As Chris stepped through the doorway, She removed her trench coat reveling a black silk dress that hugged her curves seductively. Chris’s mouth fell open in amazement. Overhead, an ornate chandelier hung in the hall making the beautiful woman’s red hair glow. The woman sashayed down the hall towards a stair case, her red pumps clicking on the hard wood floors.

“Wait here, I’ll go get you a towel and something dry to wear.” She purred.

“What?” Chris asked stupidly.

“You can’t stay in those wet clothes,” She reasoned.

“Ummm, why not,” Chris asked shyly drawing his jacket tightly across his chest.

“Why not? “One you’ll catch your death in those wet clothes, two you are dripping all over my floors and I’m not about to let a dripping, shivering, diseased ridden man sit on my white sofa,” she teased.

Chris looked at the widening puddle he was standing in.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry ma’am, I’m so sorry. “If you get me a towel or something I’ll dry this up right away.”

She smiled, and began to climb the stairs, “That’s exactly what I was planning on doing.”

Chris blushed at his own stupidity.

While alone, Chris decided to examine his surroundings a little. He looked up and down the illuminated hallway at the pictures and paintings lining the hall. A console table sat against the left wall with a large vase overflowing with red poppies placed in the center, with small crystal and silver curios arranged at the base. Everything seemed normal but extremely expensive.

He heard her footsteps as she approached the stair case. She gracefully descended the stairs.

“Here you go,” she handed him a towel that had a navy blue silk robe with white piping along the lapel folded neatly on top of it.

“The robe should fit you, it’s a gift for my brother back in Georgia and he’s about your size, maybe a little taller.”

“Um, thanks,” Chris said.

He stood at the base of the stairs looking at her.

“Well, aren’t you going to change,” She asked.

“Right here, in front of you?” Chris blurted out bashfully.

“Sure, I don’t care I’ve seen many men naked you don’t have anything I haven’t seen before, at least I hope not,” She said flirtatiously.

Chris turned a shade of red not to dissimilar to a fire engine, “I, ummm, I can’t change in front of you, It wouldn’t be proper, we haven’t been properly introduced, not that, that would allow me to change in front of you...,” Chris rambled.

“Oh my, I’m just forgetting everything today, first my purse now my manners, my name is Charlotte. “And what is yours?”

“Ummm, Chris,” he stammered.

“Chris, that’s a good name for you, you look exactly like a Chris, is it short for Christian or Christopher,” Charlotte asked with a slight toss of her red hair.

“Uhh, it’s just Chris,” he replied shyly.

“Really, huh, I’ve never met just a Chris before, it’s always been short for something,” Charlotte said thoughtfully.

“Anyway, you’re still dripping and shivering, so go change,” she said maternally.

“But,” Chris started.

“No buts, there is a powder room right behind you, you can change in there, and I promise I won’t peek,” Charlotte said teasingly.

Chris went into the small room and began taking his clothes off. As he began to take his pants off, the door creaked open causing Chris to jump and bump into the wall making a terrible racket.

“Are you ok in there honey,” asked the disembodied manicured hand of Charlotte. “Yeah, I’m uhhh fine,” Chris said sheepishly.

“Well, that’s a comfort at least, hand me your wet things and I’ll start getting them dry,” Charlotte offered.

Chris slid his pants down and handed them, his shirt, and coat to her. Charlotte examined Chris’ clothes.

“Umm, Chris?”

“Yes,” replied Chris.

“Darling, are you sure you gave me everything,” Charlotte asked with a bemused air of concern in her voice.

“What do you mean,” asked Chris confused.

“Just checking, ‘cause I have a coat, a shirt, and a pair of trousers here, and umm, how do I put this delicately, are you going commando,” Charlotte asked.

Chris turned bright red, “Why do you ask?”

“Well, judging by the dampness of your trousers I’d say that anything under them is just as likely to be sopping wet,” Charlotte reasoned.

Chris looked down at his white briefs that had become translucent and cemented to his body, his last remaining item of clothing. He thought whether it was better to catch a cold from wearing extremely wet undergarments or to be pretty much naked in front of Charlotte.

The manicured hand reemerged into the tiny bathroom with the index finger forming a hook. “Chris, I can hear you thinking all the way out here, quit thinking about it and hand ‘em over,” Charlotte prodded.

Chris starred at the hand. Finally he cautiously slid his briefs off, and hooked the waistband delicately on her finger.

“Don’t you feel better all ready,” Charlotte asked.

“Not really,” Chris said uncomfortably.

Charlotte laughed, “You’ll feel better once you’re dry and warm, and I’ll have your things taken care of. “Once you’re dried off and have the robe on, go sit in front of the fire in the living room.” Charlotte instructed.

“Uhh, ok,” Chris said self-consciously as he caught his reflection in the full length mirror on the back of the door.

Chris dried himself with the towel, then slid the robe on and firmly tied the belt around his slender waist. He opened the door and stepped out into the hall as he dried his ears and spied the housekeeper mopping up his puddles. He apologized for the mess, then went into the living room. The room was decorated with a mixture of antique and modern furniture. The wall separating the living room and the hall was lined by mahogany book cases filled with books and antique curios. There were two large white sofas sitting across from each other in the center of the room. At the far end of the sofas, were two end tables each with a vase filled with red poppies perched on top of them. The walls were painted a warm tan with white trim. The living room was in the front of the house and at the front of the room was a large window overlooking the street. Outside of the window, was a flower box overflowing with large red poppies. Under the window, sat a comfortable looking white chez lounge, with a crimson cashmere throw neatly draped across it. Chris moved towards the fireplace and positioned himself on an ottoman in front of it close enough to warm him. He heard Charlotte walking down the hall. She spoke softly with the housekeeper, then entered the room. She glided gracefully across the room and sat on the sofa across from Chris and crossed her legs exposing a small amount of her thigh.

“Feeling better,” Charlotte asked.

“Umm yes, yes I am, thank you.” Chris replied with half a smile.

The housekeeper entered the room with a large silver tray with a delicate white bone china tea service decorated with red poppies. She set the tray carefully on the table then returned to the kitchen.

“What do you take in your tea,” Charlotte asked in her smooth and sultry voice, as she poured him a cup of tea.

“Um, just two sugars,” Chris replied quietly.

“Just two sugars for just Chris,” Charlotte said teasingly and added two cubes of sugar to his tea.

She stirred his tea fluidly then handed it to him. She then prepared a cup for herself.

“Would you like some sandwiches,” She asked while offering a plate full of small sandwiches to Chris.

“Yes ma’am, I would.” Chris said hungrily.

Charlotte set her cup down on the table forcefully and said with a whimper, “Oh Chris now you’ve gone and hurt my feelings.”

With a confused and frantic tone in his voice, Chris said, “I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

“Yes you did, you keep calling me ma’am, which makes me feel like an old woman, please just call me Charlotte,” She said with a slight whimper.

“I’m sorry, Charlotte I didn’t mean to offend you,” Chris said apologetically and shifted from the ottoman in front of the fire to sit next to Charlotte on the sofa.

“That’s better,” Charlotte said cheerfully.

After a few minutes, Charlotte flirtatiously asked, “Do you want to see something, Chris?”

“Sure,” Chris replied happily.

“Good, finish your tea and I’ll show it to you,” Charlotte said seductively.

Chris swallowed his sandwich and gulped his tea down as Charlotte sipped her tea delicately.

“All finished,” Charlotte asked.

Chris nodded.

“Excellent, come with me,” Charlotte purred.

She stood up and took Chris’ hand and led him out into the hall. They walked towards the stairs at the end of the hall. As they walked, the hallway seemed to grow longer to Chris, then it began to become fuzzy and shaky all around the edges. He shut his eyes to try to regain his focus, he then felt a numbness in his arms and a cold draft on his genitals. He opened his eyes and saw nothing but darkness.

“Chris honey, are you awake,” Charlotte asked.

“Um, yeah, I think so,” Chris replied “But I can’t see anything.”

“Oh, I’m sorry honey you should be able to see what’s going on shouldn’t you,” Charlotte said sympathetically.

Chris heard a click and was blinded for a minute. He attempted to shield his eyes from the brightness of the light with his hands, but when he tried to move his arms he couldn’t. He opened his eyes wider, filled with panic, he looked at where his arms were and realized they were strapped down. He twisted his arms and legs trying to break free but couldn’t, the leather restraints were too strong for him to get loose. He was lying on a table, his arms and legs were strapped down at forty-five degree angles.

“I’m naked,” Chris exclaimed nervously.

Charlotte laughed and stepped out of the shadows. She was wearing medical scrubs with her hair pulled neatly back into a pony tail.

“Honey you need to get your priorities straight, I wouldn’t be as concerned about being naked, as I would be with the fact that I was strapped to a table in a soundproof basement, with a woman who happens to be dressed like a surgeon and oh are those surgical tools on the left side of the table?”

Chris frantically turned his head and saw a surgical cart with several shining surgical instruments on it.

“What are you going to do with those,” Chris asked frenziedly.

“Oh these,” Charlotte said cheerfully, “I’m gonna see what makes you tick, Chris.”

“You’re insane,” Chris exclaimed wildly.

“Oh Chris baby, you shouldn’t say things like that to a lady. “I almost hate to do it to you, but in the end you’re a man and all men may at some point seem like they are different and they won’t hurt you or break your heart or worse, but all men are the same no matter how nice they seem. “So, I guess you’re just going to have to go the way of the ones that have preceded you.”

“Why are you doing this to me,” Chris screamed desperately.

“Ooooh, good question Chris, well let’s see you have a penis right?”

“Yes,” Chris answered feverishly.

“Yes, what Chris, yes you have what,” Charlotte demanded in a crazed tone of voice. “Yes, I have a goddamned penis,” Chris screamed hysterically.

“Oh my Chris what language you use, I thought you were a nice boy, oh but you can’t be that nice of a boy if you use that kind of language,” Charlotte scolded.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m, it’s just that I’m,” Chris stumbled hysterically.

“It’s just that you’re what, what are you feeling right now Chris, tell me dammit,” Charlotte demanded.

“I’m fucking scared,” Chris screamed, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Scared, Chris you’re only scared, oh that won’t do I don’t want you to just be scared Chris I want much more than that.”

Charlotte picked up a scalpel and held it in front of Chris’ face.

“You see this Chris, this is a scalpel. “Now it’s not just any scalpel, this is the best goddamned scalpel money can buy.”

She took the scalpel and thrust it through the back of his left hand causing dark crimson red blood to pour from his hand. Chris screamed so loud Charlotte wondered if anybody may have heard it. This thought soon passed when she heard Chris crying.

“What do you feel now Chris, hmmm, what is your current emotion, tell Charlotte, please.”

“Oh god, it hurts,” Chris cried out.

“I didn’t ask HOW it felt, I want to know what your current emotion is.” Charlotte demanded, and gave the scalpel a quick twist.

Chris screamed again, “I’m terrified, oh god, I’m gonna die, oh god!”

“You are so much smarter the any of the others, you already know you’re going to die, that’s fabulous,” Charlotte said giddily.

“I’ve never dealt with a man like you Chris, you really are amazing,” Charlotte complemented.

“Most try to beg their way out of this, but you have just resigned your self to your fate, I like that. “Now don’t get the wrong idea, it’s not gonna be quick and it’s gonna hurt like hell, maybe even worse, don’t really know seeing as how I’ve never been to hell,” Charlotte said with a giggle.

“Now you asked a serious question why am I doing this to you, that right?”

Chris nodded and said, “Yes ma’am.”

“Oh good, even in the face of extremely painful torture you still have manners, I like that,” Charlotte said with a smile.

“Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I am doing this because as we covered earlier you have a penis which makes you are male. “Men have done things to me that you can never even begin to imagine or understand. “Even as different as you seem and nice as you appear, you are just a male that is driven by your penis. “Hell, I bet that when you walked through my door earlier today you thought you were going to get lucky. “A gentleman would have deposited me safely on my doorstep, bid me good day, then gone about his business. “So you see, you did this to yourself.”

Chris was crying very hard now, intermingled with muffled curse words and pleas for release.

“Oh Chris baby, don’t cry so much it makes my job so much harder, I’m actually starting to feel sorry for you and we can’t have that now can we? “Please make it easier for me honey and don’t cry,” Charlotte asked.

Chris continued to cry.

“Ok sweetheart, I asked nicely and you didn’t, so you know what that means, I have to give you a reason to cry. “Let’s see should I castrate you now or later, hmmm, decisions, decisions. “Got an opinion sexy or are you going make me decide all by myself?”

Chris turned his head toward Charlotte, tears in his eyes,“Please, don’t.”

“Don’t castrate you, ok, you’re the boss, I won’t castrate you....now. “Oh Chris, don’t cry you’re balls are going to a better place, my shelf. “Yup, I keep them as souvenirs, in jars, pickled no less, kinda weird really, don’t you think?”

Charlotte walked around to where she could get a better look at Chris’ genitals.

“I kinda hate to break up the set, you have such a pretty little penis, well as pretty as one of those can be, they’re all kind of ugly and sausage like.”

Charlotte shuddered, “Why y’all are so attached to them I’ll never know. “Maybe you know, tell me Chris why do men love their penises so much?”

“I don’t know,” Chris screamed wildly, “I don’t fucking know, you crazy bitch.”

“Oh Chris you ought not to have said that. “Now you have to pay the penalty for using such bad language.”

Charlotte picked up another scalpel, walked around to the other side of the table, and forcefully drove it down into the flesh of his right thigh, with careful accuracy to make sure that she missed the artery so he would not bleed out until she was done. Chris screamed out in pain as blood ran down his thigh pooling onto the clean white sheet he was lying on.

“Oooh, that was a good one, that one hit bone I bet, I love it when that happens.”

Chris breaths were coming shallower and quicker.

Charlotte walked back to her instruments and began arranging them, “Chris dear, you have to breathe better than that. “We can’t have you hyperventilating then passing out in the middle of the fun now can we?”

Chris continued to breathe frenetically.

“Ok Chris, It’s ok, you’re doing fine, you need to calm down honey, ok, listen to my breathing.” Charlotte soothed and began to breathe louder at a very regulated pace. “Would you like to listen to some music, I think that might help you.” Charlotte said soothingly. She picked a remote up off the surgical tray and pressed the play button and soothing classical music gently filled the room.

“Ah, that’s better. “Now I can think better, how about you is that better?”

Chris looked at Charlotte with tear and panic filled eyes.

“It’s okay honey,” Charlotte soothed and stroked Chris’ hair.

“It’ll be over shortly, I like you, so I’ll make you a deal, it really can’t be beat. “You scream your head off and I’ll kill you after a couple of hours, hows that?”

Chris looked at Charlotte with terror in his eyes, simpering with fright.

“I thought so, let’s begin. “Now the real fun begins.” Charlotte said with a malicious smile.

END

Ellen Degeneres Vs. John McCain: Gay Marriage

2011-04-26T01:22:00.000-08:00

Awesome! You go girl!

Stanford students confront Christian homophobes

2011-04-26T00:37:00.000-08:00

Totally wicked cool!

Brief Bio on Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

2011-04-18T23:06:00.003-08:00

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky was born on May 7, 1840 in Votkinsk, and died on November 6, 1893 in St. Petersburg at 53 years of age. Tchaikovsky’s family had a long history of military service. His father had served in the military as an engineer and was later appointed to oversee an iron mine in Votkinsk. Tchaikovsky began his formal education at the school of Jurisprudence in St. Petersburg at the age of 10. He was to become a civil servant despite his musical inclination. At the age of 19, he graduated and began his short lived civil service career at the Ministry of Justice. He worked there for three years and his highest promotion was to senior assitant. Tchaikovsky would later abandoned his career at the Ministry of Justice to persue his passion for music fully. The Russian Music Society (RMS) was founded in 1859, the year he began working as a civil servant. He would begin taking lessons in music through the RMS in his leisure time. By 1863, he abandoned his career and began pursuing music and in 1865, Tchaikovsky graduated from the St.Petersburg Conservatory. He would spend the rest of his life composing some of the most critically acclaimed music to ever be produced by a Russian. He was dissimilar to many of his contemporaries in Russian because his music was not nationalistic. His music has a definite Western quality to it and was praised for it. Tchaikovsky received much notoriety, fame, and wealth during his life. There is still a great deal of mystery and speculation about his personal life. For example, his sexuality, his younger brother, Modest, published a three volume biography, which has been criticized for the carful censoring of any material dealing with Tchaikovsky’s homosexual love affairs. Modest is excused for his censorship because he is believed to have been protecting his brother’s and his reputation and hiding his own homosexuality. Unfortunately the speculation on Tchaikovsky’s sexuality, has often times overshadowed his great musical accomplishments for notoriety in recent times.

Stand Up! - Don't Stand for Homophobic Bullying

2011-04-03T19:57:00.000-08:00

This is one of the best videos I've seen in along time. It is absolutely beautiful.

My Eurovision top 11

2011-03-30T13:02:00.008-08:00

For the past 54 years or so, the member nations of the EBU (European Broadcasting Union) send their best pop singers and songs to compete against each other to be declared the best. This competition known as Eurovision is the longest running tv show and is one of the most watched programs in Europe. Each year many countries send awesome songs but most are utter crap. For more information on the contest itself check out their site. This year the contest will be held in Düsseldorf Germany. In the final round of the competition 25 songs/singers/groups will compete. The winner doesn't receive a prize but their career is furthered by all of the publicity. This list is my top 11 acts for Eurovision

Ensemble cast

2011-03-19T21:21:00.003-08:00

I love musicals. I love the stage productions and sometimes the movie adaptations of musicals. The one flaw with large stage productions is the fact that they're always ensembles. Most of the time the casting is done right but of course there is always one or two that are off. For example, the 25th anniversary of Les Misérables. Nick Jonas, he is über distracting because he is not at the level of the other performers. He is a pop singer. Admittedly his performance wasn't bad, but put against the others he was definitely the weakest link. He has the least control, least training, and looked like he was in constant pain while he sang. Plus, he tried to have a British accent, which was hit and miss and dreadful. He did his best and it was obvious, so props to him. Still half the people in the chorus were better then he was. When he is singing towards the end and incredibly emotional song, "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables", it's the lyrics that grab you not the performance. *sigh* Oh well, moving on to bigger and better things.

The Broadway production of Hairspray the musical had a good ensemble; however, the original Tracy was not to my liking. She was a bit shrieky and just overall not that good. Nikki Blonsky in the movie production was much better.

Lets talk Phantom. The movie was pitiful. Sad, bad, horrible, and all around disappointing. Gerard Butler did a good job as Phantom, but he was no Micheal Crawford. Emmy Rossum was a good Christine, but again Sarah Brightman was way way better. Patrick Wilson as Raoul was, in my opinion, as good as the original. Worst, Minnie Driver as Carlotta. She didn't do any of her own singing and she was extremely distracting and detracted from the whole thing. She is a good actor, but her performance was weak and laughable. Jennifer Ellison as Meg was brilliant and Miranda Richardson as Mme. Giry was incredible; in fact, she may have been the best part of the movie.

The best ensemble cast in a movie ever, that I've seen, is the 1973 movie production of Jesus Christ Superstar. Not one of the best musicals of all time but not one of the worst either. Ever single person in that production was insanely good. Yvonne Elliman was an exceptional Mary Magdalene. See, I don't hate all ensemble cast. : p

It Gets Better: Suze Orman

2011-03-15T01:32:00.000-08:00

This is a really good video.

WTF!

2011-03-06T11:28:00.005-09:00

Warning: big rant!

Dear conservatives,

Y'all are weird. I'll explain that comment now, if you're even reading this anymore. You think that if a celebrity has a non-conservative view point that they're trying to destroy the country and the minds of our children. When the celebrity then gives their opinion you all ask why they feel they need to express their opinion. Umm what? Last time I checked most of the American celebrities were born American or have been since naturalized, so I think the first amendment counts for them too. Just sayin.

Now if a celebrity comes out with an opinion from a conservative stand point you all cry that they'll never work again. May I point out that some of our biggest celebrities have had seriously conservative standpoints: Ronald Reagan (President, governor of California, and former actor) Charlton Heston (actor, Academy Award winner, and president of the NRA), throw a dart at Nashville, and of course Sarah Palin. Don't argue with me over this, Sarah is now a celebrity: she gave up a political career to write books, be a pundit for Fox News, and have a very unsuccessful reality tv show, that = celebrity not politician. I know, "She still goes to speak at rallies for the Tea Party." If going to speak at rallies makes you a politician, then I'm voting for Jon Stewart.

The simple fact of the matter is this, celebrities have status, they have political agendas (we all do, just so you know, that is why we vote). They use said status to raise awareness about their said agenda. All of them do. Admittedly celebrities, especially actors, tend towards the more "liberal" stand points. Look at their industry, look at their social status, look at their education, it's all there: actors are going to flock towards more "liberal" ideas. Liberal thinkers don't get frowned upon in Hollywood because they seek progress in a society and country that's history has been about advancing itself, pushing boundaries, and basically progressing. You do know that that is the main difference between conservatives and liberals right: conservatives = go back because back then is better then now, liberals = go forward while remembering what has been done before. With that being explained see why celebrities, educators (especially those in public education, an idea that was very liberal in it's starting days) almost always tend towards the liberal side? Educators are supposed to advance the future through the students, and actors, singers, writers, news anchors, anybody you want to through into the celebrity category, are supposed to advance their field/art. They're told from day one to progress, progress, progress, and you want them to regress, regress, regress. See the dilemma.

I'll admit there are flukes: there are conservative educators and celebrities. However, they are usually closer to center and more moderate then the standard political conservative or Joe Blow walking down the street.

Now that I've explained my side, please understand when I say this I only mean it in the most kind and friendly way possible: sit down shut up and stop paying so damned much attention to celebrities. When an actor is asked to ask questions of contestants for Miss America in the interview portion (notoriously fueled by politics) expect to hear a political question. Remember the stereotype, "Miss insert random state, what are three things you want more than anything else in the world?" *big cheesy hollywood grin* "I want to have a family, a new car, and world peace." *big cheesy I'm made of plastic and horse tranquilizers grin* If you didn't know, this rant letter is based off of a video I saw on youtube, made against actors ruining the Miss America pageant with intelligent questions instead of what shade of foundation do you use, dead hooker or Malibu Barbie?

Miss America is probably one of the most conservative things you can think of, all of the contestants when asked about their political opinions have decidedly conservative ones and is widely viewed by people with conservative mind sets. Which becomes obvious when a question from a slightly liberal perspective is asked and the audience boos it. This video is what I'm talking about.

David Nunez, or whatever his name is, may have gotten the facts about the law wrong; however, when the maker of the video posted the facts, the question made complete sense. The question is from speculation on the fact that Police officers have been known to get a little happy with the execution of their jobs and have used the ideas behind laws instead of the law itself. In fact that is part of our legal system, use the theory not the words. Ok, and the whole Mandated by fed or state, what does that mean, really are you that stupid dude? He asked her if the state should have the right to expel people from the country or the fed should. Last time I checked states didn't have the right to do anything about American citizenship, not their job.

Remember, all Americans have the freedom of speech guaranteed to them by the Constitution of our country. Not everybody has the freedom of speech, except people who end up on tv.

Sincerely,

A concerned citizen.

The way I treat me

2011-02-27T01:51:00.005-09:00

This post is motivated by things my friends and family have mentioned to me.

I treat myself very differently then I treat my friends and family. I treat myself "worse" then I treat them: I can seem rather self-deprecating. I don't view the tendency to judge myself more critically and harsher then I judge other people as bad. For one thing, I'm me and you're you. Kinda obvious I know, but still that is the chief difference. Anyway, I know what and why I do things, what my motivation is, and the circumstances I'm in and have been in. You, not so much. I judge myself more harshly because I know that I have a tendency towards being conceited, self centered, and rather diva-ish. I use this system of self-critiquing as a way to check these harmful attributes of my personality. However, I do recognize when I make a major accomplishment and when I have success, but I don't wallow in self-praise. This may seem odd towards our very ego centric western society, yet it works well for me. I always remember there is room for improvement and growth. I do not believe there is such a thing as perfection; however, we should strive towards improvement of self. This is a fairly common concept in Eastern belief and philosophy. I think this ability to critique myself and use that critique to strive towards improvement comes from my four years of martial arts training. Admittedly, I'm not the best of martial artist (I have a lot of room for improvement) yet I'd like to think that I've learned how to implement many of the concepts taught by my instructors and the art itself.

In Tang Soo Do (my martial art) we have 7 tenets:

Integrity
Concentration
Perseverance
Respect and Obedience
Self-Control
Humility
Indomitable Spirit

These 7 tenets mean this to me: Integrity - no matter what, I must remember that I have value and that people have placed value in me and that I must not disappoint them or myself, Concentration - I must focus on what I'm doing at that moment and it's outcome, Perseverance - ok, in the words of the Cobra Kai "never give up, never surrender," only applied to self improvement and improvement of technique etc, Respect and Obedience - there is always someone who is better then me at something, this means that in some way everyone is my superior; therefore, deserving respect I give obedience to those that are in leadership over me, Self-control - not smacking down that person that just really pissed me off, Humility - know that no matter how good I get I can always improve, Indomitable Spirit - always getting up and continuing to fight and improve no matter what.

We also have 14 attitude requirements. Most are very long so I'll include the three that most apply to this blog entry: 3 - All out effort: everything gets 100%, 8 - Do not be overly ambitious: basically don't try and learn black belt techniques at white belt, and 9 - Frequently inspect your own achievements: this shows where I can improve and where I have made progress.

Atop all 21 of our other core philosophical concepts are 5 codes:

Loyalty to country
Obedience to parents/ instructors and seniors
Honor friendship
No retreat in battle
In fighting choose with sense and honor

4 and 5 get interpreted a little more abstractly now; such as, being applied to school work and personal struggles as opposed to their literal definition.

I have been surrounded by these philosophical concepts for four years and had to study them and know what they mean and how they are applied to my life and my art. They have become an integral part of my character. If you ever wondered how people functioned without a god inscribing in stone what they should and shouldn't do, these 26 concepts are good evidence. There is no god punishing those who do not implement these concepts properly or rewarding them if they do. There is only the pride of their family and themselves. This is trained into us at my Dojang (Korean term for Karate school): we make our instructors proud, our families proud, and ourselves proud when we do right. We dishonor the afore mentioned people when we do bad. This shame principal is pretty much nonexistent in modern protestant cultures. I feel that this system is superior because it has immediate determinable results: someone shows they are displeased with some action now as opposed to some abstract future date. In the end, I'm different. I need to do different things to be a better person and improve myself.

How to be Gay « Thought Catalog

2011-02-25T23:55:00.000-09:00

How to be Gay « Thought Catalog This is very awesome, I love it.

It Gets Better: Children's Hospital Boston

2011-02-24T02:08:00.000-09:00

Albums that have no skipped tracks.

2011-02-23T00:44:00.009-09:00

I admit it, I'm a playlist kind of a person: I love music but I don't always listen to an album all the way through multiple times. So, when I listen to an album all the way through multiple times that means it's really good or I love or usually both. This is a limited list and very exclusive. So lets look at the albums lucky enough that I listen to every track:

Madonna - Ray of Light: her best album in my opinion, each track is brilliant.

Kylie Minogue - Fever: One of her best albums and most of the tracks are good.

Thierry Amiel - Où Vont Les Hiostoire: Thierry ventured into dangerous waters with this album: he covered Sarah McLachlan and he sang two tracks in English. His English is good especially for a young French person.

Alizée - Un Enfant Du Siecle: I really like this album, it shows a more mature side of Alizée that has been hiding it's a good album and each track is solid, not a lot of single bait or tracks to listen to separate of the album.

The Green Children - Encounters: I've known about this band for awhile, I had a single from them but didn't listen to it much. Amazon ran a deal after Christmas where their album was $5 so I bought and just started listening to it a couple of days ago and haven't stopped.

Ricky Martin - Musica+Alma+Sexo (aka MAS): I love this album. There isn't a bad track, I love that he included, at least in the special edition released through Target, extra versions of some of the tracks including English versions of a few tracks. I have my fav tracks but over all a really solid album

Natasha St-Pier - anything she's ever done: Every single one of her albums are amazing each track is good and her voice is amazing. This is her latest album one of my absolute favs.

Kylie Minogue - Aphrodite: This has been in my Alarm clock (it's also a cd player) since I got it and I've never skipped a track, I wake up to it every morning.

BoA - Hurricane Venus/ Copy & Paste: This is BoA's sixth Korean album and it was repackaged with two extra tracks, the repackage was called Copy & Paste. She really stepped up her game with this album and made up for her fairly lack luster American release. She wrote lyrics for several tracks and even fully composed a full track by herself. She returned to her more Jazz and R&B roots with a few solid pop tracks to use as singles to stay on the charts.

Cheeks - They Call Me Cheeks

2011-02-22T03:55:00.001-09:00

I never get tired of this video.

The GaGa Code.

2011-02-18T00:32:00.004-09:00

Ok, so for the last week, everybody has been bashing on Lady GaGa. Oh GaGa your only mediocre now. Oh GaGa, you used a chord from Express Yourself in Born This Way. Oh GaGa it's not as good as some of your other music, too much hype not enough product, blah blah blah. Lets start with this simple phrase, y'all are dumb asses: of course it isn't as good as the hype, nothing is, ever, it's called advertising. Sell records, make millions, retire and over dose on crack, that is the music industry in a nut shell. If she and her slew of advertising cronies hadn't over inflated the single she wouldn't be making headlines right now. GaGa is a genius of one thing and one thing only: marketing. She knows how to market herself, her product, etc. that is what we love about her not her music, it's all been done before. She’s copying Cyndi Lauper, who copied Madonna, who copied Cher. Anyway, what most people seeking headlines and featured videos on youtube are missing is that Born This Way did something that no other song has ever done: it is an intentional gay anthem. Cher, Kylie, Pink, Gloria Gaynor, Madonna, and any other stereotypical gay icon you can think of, have all had songs that became gay anthems; however, none of them were ever intended to be such. All of the songs those women wrote and or performed were intended to do one thing: hit the top 40, stay there for a couple of weeks until the next single is ready, or the album is. So GaGa may have used two or three classic Madonna tunes, as Cheeks points out in his video Born This Way MEGAMIX, whatever. Madonna's hit album from 2005, Confessions on a Dance Floor, unabashedly borrowed themes from classic Disco groups. Don't believe me? Go listen to Madonna's Hung Up, then Abba's Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight) or the other way round if you prefer, Future Lovers by Madonna uses the main theme of I Feel Love by Donna Summer as the bass line. (Abba is credited in the album booklet but Donna Summer isn't) Most pop albums flirt with variations on themes by other big artist because it's a guaranteed way to sell records. In fact back in the Baroque period, variations on a theme was the highest form of music and the highest praise one could give a composer. Did anybody stop to think that maybe, if at all, she is giving a nod to other big gay icons. Furthermore, there are only so many notes and so many note combinations, especially in pop music, eventually we're going to run out. Some have argued that Raise Your Glass by Pink, We R Who We R by Ke$ha, and Fireworks by Katy Perry are better gay anthems for bullied LGBTQ youth then Born This Way because they were released first. Don't get me wrong, I love all of those songs, but only one of them even slightly resembles a gay anthem: Raise Your Glass by Pink. We R Who We R sounds like all the rest of Ke$ha's pro partying and be as weird and grundgy/slutty as possible, and Fireworks, who new it existed before the video, right? Don't give me that, "oh I new about it before the video and new it was a song of support" garbage, it was a Katy Perry album track not a single. People who listen to her albums, all the way through, knew about it, then she made the feel good video of the year for it and now everybody knows it and it get's sung on Glee. Ok, so I'm a little weird that I actually spent time on this topic. It's ok if you don't like GaGa's new single, really I won't judge, but stop blaming her, it's not her fault: she wrote a song that isn't up your alley, fine, don't listen to it. If you bought it, get rid of it, change radio stations when it comes on, whatever you need to do, do it, and shut the hell up already.

Valentine's Day!

2011-02-13T21:36:00.004-09:00

It's Valentine's season again. A commercial Holiday designed to help us not achieve weight loss: if you're in a relationship, you get candy and a fancy dinner from a loved one and maybe even a little extra special something else (if you know what I mean), and if you aren't then there is more candy than you would ever dare shake a stick at, romantic movies, love songs, break up songs, getting even songs, etc, etc, etc, to help in the pity fest that is most commonly thought of as single life on Valentine's day. Screw them, screw the happy peppy people in love with the damn holiday and each other. When I see February 14th looming up the calendar, like a zombie goat, I shudder, not because I'm single, not because I dislike being single, but because I'm expected as a single, fairly attractive (if I do say so myself), single male, of a slightly effeminate variety, to be sad and upset that poor little old me doesn't have someone to share Valentine's day with. Whatever, I don't need someone in my life to validate me and my existence, I'm ok being single, sure I would like to be in a relationship but I don't need to be: hell, it's probably more trouble than it's worth. I don't need a stupid holiday in February to feel romantic and sexy, that's every day of the whole freaking year for me. All my friends and even my family say that once I have someone I'll like it better, no, I won't. Wanna know why I won't? Because Valentine's day is a few special things to me, 1) a day to remember some martyred saint (it's his feast you know), 2) Dead Huguenots, 3) dead gangsters, and 4) swans bumpin uglies. Yup, the reason that Valentine's day is freaking romantic is because swan's start mating about this time every year. There you have it, February 14th sucks because I'm expected to feel a way I don't and is a ridiculous holiday that serves little purpose other than to help the greeting card and candy companies get over the 2-3 month slump between Christmas and Easter. And why the hell is it in freaking February, why not August, it doesn't have a holiday. February is such an anemic short month that has more than it's fair share of special stuff: President's day, Lincoln's Birthday, George Washington's Birthday, and it's Black History month. What does August get? Nothing, nada, zippo, just hot days and back to school shopping for August. Poor August, I bet nobody got it anything for Valentine's day. You know November, December, and February are those kids at school that everybody likes but not really and they end up dead and Buffy and the Scoobys investigate their deaths because it's all weird and mysterious. I wandered down a weird little geeky trail for a moment, sorry. So anyway, if you like the holiday, great, go ahead enjoy it, just don't expect me to, and don't try and console me because that will just piss me off. Oh yeah, and singles awareness day, please, for dog's sake we know we're single, you don't need to point it out; that is, of course, unless you like having a finger nail file stuck in your forehead.

All You've Got Is You

2011-02-13T21:34:00.000-09:00

Late night

2011-02-07T01:49:00.009-09:00

Warning this is way random, but some how makes some semblance of sense, maybe it's the lack of sleep.

It's late at night and I'm getting sleepy. I have a scratchy throat and an ache in my left collar bone. I have a homework assignment for my French class this evening that is not technically done, meaning I haven't done it yet. Yesterday's episode of Glee was really cool and the Packers winning the Super Bowl made my day/week so far. I have a geography quiz on Wednesday that I need to study for. Books for classes that unfortunately will not read and discuss themselves. Papers that are even less likely to write themselves then the books are to read themselves. Now, in the time that it took me to type all of this I did not think of people who are in my classes that annoy me, or people who disagree with my social and political viewpoints, or who have religious beliefs that differ from mine. If we all took a moment to look at our own lives and examine everything we need to get done in a day, or what needs to happen this week, or this month, or the next two months, we wouldn't have time for judging people and telling them that they are wrong. This extends beyond the LGBTQ community. People who identify with this label are very whiny about what they don't have. Sure, everyone deserves equal rights, but forming a community and saying "I'm super special awesome, because I'm a boy and I like boys" or "I'm super special awesome because I'm a girl and like girls" "I'm changing my gender to fit my gender identity" give me rights because of these things, simply pushes away the majority. People who identify as some strain of LGBTQ are in the minority. This doesn't mean we need to sit down and shut up, but it does mean we are human. This country was founded on the principals that all humans are born free and equal. We have the unalienable rights of "... life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness..."that is why we deserve equal rights, not because we sleep with the same gender or are changing our physical gender: those are the circumstances of our lives. Being LGBTQ is not some great and holy gift, but neither is it a curse: it's a part of human existence, every human existence. As everyone likes to proclaim right now, everyone is special and unique in their own way, no two people are a like. Some of us have amazing talents for performing music and making art, others have extraordinary talents for organization, or can make a trashy apartment into Buckingham Palace, or a bolt of fabric into a beautiful gown, others can communicate with words in writing or speech better than others. Everyone has a unique talent making each of us unique but at the same time normal. But not each of us is as great as the next: if we all could write like Dickens, Austen, Baudelaire, or any of the greats, would we be able to appreciate a great story or poem? If we could all sing beautifully, there would be no record industry or concerts. So the next time you are feeling "normal" or "average," don't bemoan it remember their is something that you are very good at, if I was a cheesy card I'd say you are good at just being you and that makes you special, as tempting as it is to say this..... ah what the heck, you being you makes you special. There is only one me and one you. No photo or carbon copies, when we were made the mold was broken, and thank god for that 'cause one of me is more than enough. If you didn't realize, one person's whole world just stopped revolving around them and started revolving around you, your welcome, now do the same for somebody else.

Brilliance

2011-01-24T23:52:00.001-09:00

This is so amazing and not what it seems.

http://www.bulliedbygays.com/

National No Name Calling Week

2011-01-24T15:11:00.000-09:00

This week (24-28) is National No Name Calling week. This is in effort to end the ever present and increasing cases of bulling in our schools. Let's set an example for the school kids by participating also.

Good article

2011-01-23T13:01:00.001-09:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/23/opinion/23savage.html?_r=2

Dan Savage's article is absolutely correct. If conservatives want to not here about LGBTQ rights and liberties they need to just give them to us.

You DON'T NEED A Boyfriend To Feel Good!

2011-01-09T22:28:00.000-09:00

New Year update.

2010-12-28T00:12:00.002-09:00

The New Year is fast approaching. The LGBTQ community has made many advances this past year but we still have far to go. We have many battles yet to fight and they won't be easy. As President Obama is preparing to enter his third year as president, he has mentioned that he may change his position on legalizing gay marriage. This is a huge step for him and the fight for LGBTQ equality: when he was campaigning he said it was not his place to tackle such issues. 2011 also happens to be the year before an election year, this means many senators, congress men and women, as well as our President and his cabinet will being doing their upmost to appeal to voters for reelection. Many will want to gain the support of their parties over voters also. This means that we must pressure our elected officials to fight for equality for all Americans.

DADT Victory!

2010-12-18T23:40:00.000-09:00

Early Saturday aftrnoon, the United States Senate, in a final vote of 65-31, voted to repeal DADT. The bill is off to President Obama's desk to be signed into law, which he has promised to do. This is a major milestone in the fight for equality. Now Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual men and women will be able to serve openly in the most powerful military in the world. However, what makes me most proud is that Senator Lisa Murkowski, the current and more than likely future senator of Alaska my home state, voted in favor of this bill. In fact according to the Advocate, eight republicans, including Murkowski, voted in favor of repealing the 17 year old law. The Marines are the most vocal about this being a bad idea. Well United States Marine Corps, right now there are LGBT men and women serving in all branches of the military, they just aren't out. In fact, according to the Palm Center , more than 20 countries allow or have no law concerning gays and lesbians serving in the military. According to a Wikipedia article, of the 26 nations in NATO, 22 of them allow Lesbians and Gays to serve openly. None of these countries are reporting issues: according to the wikipedia article mentioned earlier Canada has been integrated since 1992 and has not seen any decline in military performance. My final thought is this, LGBT men and women have been serving closeted for years, and other countries in NATO have integrated without harm, so why would LGBT women and men being allowed to serve openly change anything. If anything changes it will be because of the closed minded bigotry of the homophobic, heterosexual military personal not the LGBT men and women serving their country proudly while being able to openly love who they love.

FCK BULLIES by FCKH8.com: DON'T B H8N ON THE HOMOS!

2010-12-12T19:07:00.000-09:00

What Would You Do? This is really interesting.

2010-12-04T20:45:00.000-09:00

Catching up.

2010-11-28T19:26:00.003-09:00

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone, and Christmas is on it's way. Christmas songs are pouring through speakers in the stores and malls across America. People are adorning their houses with bright colored flashing lights and other items. Hanukkah begins on Wednesday, so Jews are pulling out their Menorahs and planning their meals and who will be coming over or if they are going to the community center. Galas, plays, pageants, concerts, and parades are all drawing closer. Parents are rushing around trying to get that must have toy. Lovers are squabbling over who's parents to go spend the Holidays with. Salvation Army workers shiver in the cold while ringing bells next to their recognizable red buckets. Oh yeah, in all of the commotion of the Holidays, we sometimes tend to forget about those who are unable to have a holiday dinner due to financial needs. However, the homeless and needy will be at the top of the list for end of year donations for most people. I do not begrudge them this position, but I do ask one thing, this year if you are able to make charitable donations, please remember the organizations that are fighting for equality.

D-Bag of the Day: Tony "DADT Repeal Would Usher In a Draft" Perkins | Blog

2010-11-19T11:03:00.000-09:00

D-Bag of the Day: Tony "DADT Repeal Would Usher In a Draft" Perkins | Blog

Obviously this man needs to do a little more research: all the polls say that the military supports repealing DADT. It appears, that it is civilians who are the ones who have issues with repealing DADT.

Own Your Equality - Texas Gay Legal Wedding

2010-11-11T23:52:00.000-09:00

Ummm....ok.....

2010-11-07T17:19:00.005-09:00

Read this article first and watch the included video before reading this.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2010/11/pentecostal-minister-calls-on-christian-faithful-to-use-the-word-fag/

Here is the video separate of the article.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PLaJpviuX8&feature=player_embedded

Now my response. I think all people should have the right to express their opinion, no matter how ignorant, or badly formed, or fallacious it is they have the right to express it. That being said, this man forms his argument badly: he uses words that do not exist and he makes a humongous fallacy that one can not ignore: if homosexuality is excepted then bestiality will be excepted. Ok so lets break these two things down so that we better understand them: homosexuality is when two consenting human beings (homo sapiens) of the same gender engage in sexual (or romantic) relations together. Bestiality is when a human engages in sexual relations (rarely romantic) with an animal. Um...ewww gross. Ok now that I resisted that urge to barf, let us continue. One can safely say that these are completely different, right? That's what I thought, but I've been wrong before. Well Mr. James Manning of ATLAH World Missionary Church says differently, as the video demonstrates. Homosexuality, in his mind, being excepted as a viable lifestyle by the public, will lead to bestiality being excepted also. This is a fallacy: it creates a false dilemma. The Bible does say that homosexuality is an abomination; however, Jesus himself never deals with the topic. He does however say that the second greatest commandment is to love thy neighbor. (Mark 12:32) Since Jesus, the center of Christianity, never said anything about it, does that mean he was ok with it? I think it does. The only person in the New Testament who brings the topic up is Paul. Paul seems to have a lot of problems with a lot of things and he mainly teaches that Christians should maintain the teachings of Judaism. However, Paul later says in Hebrews (I believe, do not quote me on this) that we should not cause people to falter in their worship/following of Christ. Now, I am going to depart from the realm of logic and research and fact and enter into the land of my suppositions and opinions. I do not believe that Jesus is going to damn someone for eternity for loving someone. If God created everything and created man and woman, than God created the ability for man to love man and woman to love woman, in a romantic way. I realize that this would be where my opposition would take the chance to say that I believe God created rape, murder, incest, genocide, etc because they believe these malicious acts (sin) are equivalent to the "sin" of homosexuality. I believe he did: he created human beings, free will, instinct, love, passion, etc; he gave us the ability to create incredible good and incredible evil. Homosexuality is not one of these evils: how could someone loving someone with every part of their existence be bad? We say that when a man and woman love each other this way, that it is expectable. Why then the double standard? Why is the heterosexual right wing christian afraid of homosexuality? Is it because they think we can "pervert" their children? Or is just because that with the homosexual comes the essential questioning of ancient beliefs and ideals that religious groups have long held to be the end all authority on love and relationships? I do not propose retaliation against the hate but instead do as Jesus taught and turn the other cheek and keep on teaching love and acceptance. "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace. Where There is hatred, let me sow love." St. Francis of Assisi

Elvira's Movie Macabre: Sarah Impalin'

2010-11-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

Televangelist Oral Roberts' gay grandson says "it gets better"

2010-11-05T13:54:00.000-08:00

Kermit The Frog's "It Gets Better" Video

2010-11-02T11:21:00.000-08:00

It Gets Better: Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles "True Colors"

2010-10-27T09:46:00.000-08:00

Whoopi Fights Back

2010-10-26T13:28:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite quotes.

2010-10-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

An engineering professor is treating her husband, a loan officer, to dinner for finally giving in to her pleas to shave off the scraggly beard he grew on vacation. His favorite restaurant is a casual place where they both feel comfortable in slacks and cotton/polyester-blend golf shirts. But, as always, she wears the gold and pearl pendant he gave her the day her divorce decree was final. They're laughing over their menus because they know he always ends up diving into a giant plate of ribs but she won't be talked into anything more fattening than shrimp.
Quiz: How many biblical prohibitions are they violating? Well, wives are supposed to be 'submissive' to their husbands (I Peter 3:1). And all women are forbidden to teach men (I Timothy 2:12), wear gold or pearls (I Timothy 2:9) or dress in clothing that 'pertains to a man' (Deuteronomy 22:5). Shellfish and pork are definitely out (Leviticus 11:7, 10) as are usury (Deuteronomy 23:19), shaving (Leviticus 19:27) and clothes of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19). And since the Bible rarely recognizes divorce, they're committing adultery, which carries the rather harsh penalty of death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22).
So why are they having such a good time? Probably because they wouldn't think of worrying about rules that seem absurd, anachronistic or - at best - unrealistic. Yet this same modern-day couple could easily be among the millions of Americans who never hesitate to lean on the Bible to justify their own anti-gay attitudes. ~Deb Price, And Say Hi To Joyce

Rachel Maddow - Joe Miller Consultant Is Anti-Gay Christian Activist

2010-10-23T01:00:00.000-08:00

President Obama: It Gets Better

2010-10-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

Feelin retro!

2010-10-22T19:14:00.003-08:00

I'm restarting my life as a blogger! Yup, I'm back blogging and this time it's serious. I'm going to try and post things here now and again. (a vague promise but a promise none the less) For my Facebook friends, this should really lighten the load of blog post, news alerts, and videos that I post that end up on your collective news feeds.